I'm back from the Dread

I've taken a little hiatus from blogging recently. If you read my last post, I was having a particularly bad day.

Well, I don't like to dwell too much on what happened, but things got a lot worse.

I feel like I've come a long way in such a short time with this blog. For the first time in life, I've felt motivated to tackle my problems head on and in a serious manner. Exercise, diet change and adopting a little meditation have been some of the ways I've tried to get a handle on everything, and I can say I do feel a lot happier, and most of all, more confident. I'm still so chuffed at the amount of people that have taken the time to message me to let me their stories and how this blog helped them in some way.

So it's for these people I say, I have come back from the dread.

Last week, I suffered the worst panic attack I've ever had in my life. It lasted over an hour, or possibly more, from what I can recall of it.

I don't really remember the details of how it emerged, all I knew is that when it struck, I was alone.

Luckily, I have a wonderful friend who was there in two minutes flat and my folks were not far behind.

When I was eventually home, things escalated from palpitations to absolute confusion as to where I was and how I got there. I feel like I can't even begin to describe it. I remember screaming, and wondering where the sound was coming from. I remember looking at the clock, 18:46, and not understanding what that meant. Even typing this right now is scary, I don't want this to happen again. Ever.

I felt like all my work on myself was completely reversed. Thoughts flashed of hospitals, drugs, therapy, I'd have to quit Uni, I'd never get to achieve the dreams I so desired to achieve in my life. I fully believed I had lost my mind.

Phew. Okay. That's the hard part.

The next few days were sketchy. I couldn't be left on my own for too long as the anxiety would build. I live at least a 20 minute drive from anyone I would feel comfortable having a little freak out with. For the first time in my life, I was scared to be on my own, even in my own home.

It's been just over a week since this episode happened though, and I'm happy to report I'm pretty much back to normal! Honestly, I am so relieved. I've never appreciated the comfortableness of being alone so much in my entire life.

Most importantly, I feel like I am finally past the worst of it to be able to share this with you.

I don't know what this post will achieve, if anything. I know I feel better by finally getting to talk about it. What I hope it can communicate is hope. To know you can come from a very dark place in your life, whether it takes one week, or one month, or one year, even ten years.

If you believe you can get better, you can. Because you give yourself hope, and you can achieve anything.