Good morning folks,
Still feeling very overwhelmed by the response of this blog so far! Another 250 hits yesterday, thank you everyone for taking time to make mental health awareness grow.
Today, I'd like to talk a little more about anxiety, and its power to make even positive events in your life quite stressful.
So the past weekend, I've felt a little on edge (yes, I have an essay due Friday, but it's a little more than just that.)
My partner works offshore, and with the weather being as hideous as it is, it's common for people to get stuck on oil rigs.
So the longest he's been stranded is an extra day, which is nothing at all really.
However, this time round, he was due off Friday and it is now Monday, and it still doesn't look like he's getting off today. Then he's got a course for the rest of the week until Friday. So effectively, I probably won't get to see him until next weekend.
I'm not ashamed to say I am a more stable person when he is around. We both understand each other, and having someone around who just gets you is a big help. However, when said person will have been away for three weeks, it's starting to bug me a bit.
And perhaps it's not so much the absence, it's the thought of seeing him for the first time in a while. The more the days pass, the more the butterflies build, the more I'm thinking about how I'm going to feel when I finally see him. And they're started to reach fever pitch.
Thinking about it almost makes me feel like I can't breathe. Which is ridiculous and irrational in equal measure because I know from experience, as soon as we say 'hello', I will feel perfectly normal again.
The problem with anxiety is that, not only is it difficult to deal with, it's also difficult for people to understand.
I don't even understand why I feel this way. But when it starts to affect positive parts in your life, that's when you need to start talking about it.
So I wanted to share this story, and hope it reaches someone to help them to know it's not just the usual things (job interviews, first dates, exams) that can spark anxieties, but pretty much anything at all.
Please know you're not alone. Just take five deep, slow breaths, rationalize if you can, and accept this is how you feel.
Can you relate to this sort of anxiety? Is the feeling of excitement sometimes an unpleasant experience for you too? Share your thoughts below.
Hey laura, I can relate to this post. Anxiety has always been one of my biggest 'quirks' and it comes in many forms. WebMD is my enemy. Reading about different mental and physical illnesses is triggering enough to send me into a full blown panic. An example was the ALS awareness thing, which was a great cause but would set me off thinking. What if that twitch in my finger is ALS? What if it's all in my head? Does that make me crazy? Panic escalating. Then I'm inventing symptoms which feel real and make everything worse. Acceptance has helped, now I can rationalise much better I have to deal with hypochondria less. In comes social anxiety. I've never experienced this before until starting work. Now I can't sleep on a Sunday knowing I need to face the office. If my phone rings or someone comes over to talk, I clam up. This situation is too new to me and I don't know how to behave, so from fear of doing something wrong I retreat into my shell. I hate it, I've never had a problem with people before and I've always been confident to be myself around people. Now I eat lunch in a toilet cubicle. I hope I will get over this one too but for now I'm just looking for an escape, applying for new jobs just to restart because now everyone thinks I'm painfully shy. If I came out as my normal self, the way people would react would make everything worse. I've started drinking a lot to suppress the anxiety, which is not the best thing. I'm sure the social anxiety will go away and pave the way for something else to get myself worked up about. It's great that you are blogging this as opening up and encouraging talk really helps.
ReplyDeleteHello Anon,
ReplyDeleteFirstly of course, thank you for being brave and sharing your experiences with anxiety.
Hypochondria and anxiety go hand in hand mostly because the way your body reacts to stress. Shaking hands, increased heartbeat, even rashes and itching. Try typing those into Google! Even someone not dealing with anxiety would be stirred. But you've learnt something really important here: you know WebMD is a trigger for you.
I have personally found a big way help settle anxiety is to not indulge in it and you know this! Well done, this is a big step.
The ALS thing is something you've rationalized yourself out of too! Again, an epic achievement. I really don't think you're giving yourself enough credit here :)
As for the social anxiety, I can relate too. My phone is usually left on silent. I don't mean to but at times I can't deal with speaking to people. Avon and Betterware catalogues peeve me because what if I forget to put it out and they knock on my door?!
Of course everyone has a way that helps them deal with situations. But you've jumped this hurdle before and I thorougly believe you can do it again!
I'm sorry work has become difficult for you. Is there someone you can trust that you can speak to? Even an email or a text. The biggest weight of anxiety can be carrying that burden alone. Even just one person in your office environment knowing a little more about what you're going through can help :) but if you believe a fresh start will truly be the answer, do what's right for you!
I told my manager that I had IBS, she was excellent with it, so understanding and because she knew, it happened less and less. I was more comfortabe and more importantly, I wasn't alone :)
I believe you've already got the tools there to do what you need to do! And if anxiety is reoccurring, is there something else that could be the root cause of it? Sometimes it isn't, but again a couple of times I've sat myself down and just worked backwards from my stress and found a root cause. Then I would do my best to address it!
I'd say best of luck Anon, but you don't need it because I can see you will overcome this. :)
I feel like we are living in each other brains at the moment...
ReplyDeleteI can't say I've ever had the exact experience in a relationship, but anything which involves conversation, even more so with friends, gives me an actual butterfly feeling from my stomach to my head, sometimes to the point of making me feel sick.
Like seeing people after Christmas holidays, I look forward to it, but at the same time I dread it because I can never seem to form a 'normal' conversation.
I've never been able to say all the usual things which seem to make up standard conversation in different circumstances, it seems really daft to think about but saying things like 'happy new year', 'congratulations' (if someone has got engaged etc.), even 'happy mothers day' and things like that, they all make me feel really uncomfortable if I'm put in a position when I have to say them...I feel like I've strayed from the point?
But even long car rides with friends or family, I dread the silence but I can't do anything to change it, because when I'm put in a position of having to make conversation my mind goes completely black. I'm even worse with phone calls and emails.
And likewise,I have no idea why I dislike, possible even fear, most of that, especially the thing about not being able to say certain phrases without wanting the ground to swallow me whole.
I think a lot of it is just how introverted I am, but it's difficult to manage when we seem to live in an extraverted world. :) x
Anxious Unite ha!
DeleteSame, I've not had that exact same experience but I can apply what I've felt and put myself in your shoes with it.
Me too! I'm really awkward saying goodbye to people as well. I sometimes don't like hugging people goodbye even when I really like them.
Perhaps maybe because it's something you are almost expected to say. When people expect you to do something, it can be quite stressful in social situations.
Ah no! Well, don't fret too much about having to make conversation, I used to feel like that sometimes, but then I remember I thinking, why should I have to make all the effort to keep a conversation going? The other person is probably feeling a similar feeling as well. I'm just going to sit back and let someone else make the effort this time!
You've got it right there though Katie, it is an extremely extrovert world. It's difficult for introverts because some people don't understand that doing what is socially expected is stressful. It's becomes misinterpreted as rude, or disinterested when it couldn't be further from the truth.
But if it helps, I've never seen any of this in you, if you're worried people noticing from an outside perspective! We chatted fine when on the floor that day, and we shared mutual silence comfortably I thought (Pulp Fiction ref ;) )
x