In the Pursuit of (Realistic) Happiness

If you've ever suffered from mental illness, or heck, even lived in a modern society, you may have taken note of the persistent strive to attain happiness.

Consumerism has taught us happiness is bought, social media has taught us its in looks or talent, education has taught us its in a thriving career - but what do we honestly tell ourselves about what true happiness is? Is there even such a thing?

If any mix of the above suit your ideal of happiness, that's great. I'm not here to preach about what makes you happy. I wish to explore however, how these pressures to fit an ideal associated with happiness, have for me personally, skewed the picture of true contentment.

donireewalker: Pursued or created?

I won't lie. I love buying new clothes, or nail varnish, and I am sucker for a new book or video game. Consumerism can lift us up when we're down. Spending some hard-earned cash purely on ourselves is indulgent. It's especially tempting when you're feeling down - it's a little way to say to yourself you're worth this. But this feeling never really lasts long for me, so I've found I still feel down about the same issues after some time.

It also feels great to get a little recognition on social media. If your new selfie gets a particular large amount of likes (yay), or your witty post about your rubbish day makes a few people chuckle, it can lift your spirits temporarily.

Similarly, when work or school are going great, nothing can feel better than knowing your making advancements towards your long-term goals.

But money runs out, there are only so many likes and not every project goes to plan.

My ideal picture of happiness was centred around all of the above, and reached these certain happiness 'goals'. I had a job with considerable disposable income, I lost a fair bit of weight so my selfie game was strong and I'd vastly exceeded my expectations in grades since going back to university.

But yet...

Sometimes, I am just not happy. I feel scared, isolated, filled with dread. I get anxious, doubtful and my self-worth plummets - even when things on the outside should point to happiness.

What I've come to learn is that happiness is not an emotion really, more of an attitude. Strip away the clothes and the likes and the grades, and you're still left with a void. Being able to be happy doesn't mean smiling ludicrously all day long, having life flowing effortlessly your way. It's more realising that life doesn't go your way all the time, but knowing how to deal with it. It's knowing that isolated incidents of bad luck or mistakes don't make you less of a person in any sense.

I'm slowly finding that actually, being able to feel upset, or down, or worried, is all a part of the wider feeling of happiness. You can't ignore situations in your life that can knock you back or hold you down. You can however, adapt your attitude to overcome them in the best way possible.

I received a very low grade for one of my modules this year for example. Perhaps in the past, I would have crucified myself for weeks, repeated the mistakes in my head over and over to the point of exasperation. But for the first time ever, I committed myself to making sure I didn't let it spiral. With great support around me too, I was able to accept it, learn from it and take away the lessons from the experience.

It's a small victory, but the key to pursing realistic happiness is to not purse it at all - but to create it from within.

What obstacles have you overcome that lead you to happiness? I'd love to hear your stories!